Sanctum by Lexi Blake

Author:Lexi Blake [Blake, Lexi]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi

Chapter Five

Ryan paced the floor. Every squeak and thud of his shoes sounded like thunder in his head. It was too quiet, but then there was almost no one in the surgical waiting room. It seemed it was a slow night for gunshot victims.

God, she’d been shot. She’d opened her door and someone had fucking shot her, and she was only in that apartment because he’d been stupid enough to let her go. He’d thought he was saving her, and now she could be dying.

“Any word?” Ashley walked back in, her little girl in her arms. She’d stepped out to change her, but now the baby was quietly content, sucking on her fist.

Would Jillian still be able to have babies?

He shook his head. How long did it take?

“You love her,” Ashley said.

“Yes, I do, but I screwed up, and now I have to deal with that.”

“I don’t know. The way I heard it she kind of screwed up too. Sorry, there’s really no privacy in that apartment. I’m afraid I heard everything. Jill and I weren’t close back when she first lived here. She kind of disappeared for a while.”

“She always talked about you.”

Ashley bounced a little as she talked, a rhythm that seemed to soothe the baby. “Yeah, but she rarely called, and when she did, she was very evasive about what she was doing. I think she didn’t want anyone to know what kind of relationship she was involved in. Jill was always very assertive. I knew she was playing around with clubs and stuff. I always assumed it was just a kinky sex thing, but she was different around you, wasn’t she?”

He felt so fucking old. He felt every one of his thirty-eight years. “Do you want to know what bugged me the most about Jillian when we were together? I can’t even believe I’m saying this now, but it’s true. She was too submissive for my tastes, but I was in love with her and I thought I could gradually change that. I lost myself in the sex for a while. And then she was just so bright and smart that I convinced myself I could handle being her Dom for the rest of our lives. I could take care of her. And then I couldn’t and I was so scared of really failing her that I ruined everything. She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”

And that guilt burned through him.

“I don’t know,” Ashley argued. “It seems like she should have said something. She could have fought. I know I did. I fought like a demon bitch from hell when my boyfriend decided to walk out on me. It didn’t work, but I still would have done it. If I had to do it again, even though I looked like a fool, I would have tried. He was just more scared of becoming his father than he was in love with me. But I gave him the choice. Neither one of you did the same.

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